When childhood dreams collide with harsh realities, the forge of resilience is where heroes are shaped. My best friend and true American hero, Ashley, joins me, Darrell McClain, for an intimate conversation that charts her formidable journey from the deep South to the ranks of the U.S. Navy. Facing the twin hurdles of racism and parental disapproval of her sexuality, Ashley's tale of perseverance unfolds as she embraces her father's legacy of cultural openness, drawing from his role as a chaplain's assistant. Her experiences, both bitter and sweet, weave a narrative that stretches from Mississippi to the vibrant streets of Japan and beyond, revealing the transformative power of diversity and hardship on her path to success.
Ashley's story is not just about overcoming adversity; it's a banquet of gastronomic adventures and life lessons served with a side of Southern charm and international zest. As we relish in her culinary passions, from the tantalizing shawarma of Bahrain to the comforting staples of Southern cooking, we explore how these flavors have become the undercurrent of her life's journey. Through her accolades as Junior Sailor of the quarter and her continued dedication to the Department of Homeland Security, Ashley's impact on the world is palpable. Join us as we celebrate her achievements and reflect on the legacy we each hope to leave, stitched together by a shared love for food, a testament to our humanity, and a reminder that service and success can be a recipe for an unforgettable life story.
When childhood dreams collide with harsh realities, the forge of resilience is where heroes are shaped. My best friend and true American hero, Ashley, joins me, Darrell McClain, for an intimate conversation that charts her formidable journey from the deep South to the ranks of the U.S. Navy. Facing the twin hurdles of racism and parental disapproval of her sexuality, Ashley's tale of perseverance unfolds as she embraces her father's legacy of cultural openness, drawing from his role as a chaplain's assistant. Her experiences, both bitter and sweet, weave a narrative that stretches from Mississippi to the vibrant streets of Japan and beyond, revealing the transformative power of diversity and hardship on her path to success.
Ashley's story is not just about overcoming adversity; it's a banquet of gastronomic adventures and life lessons served with a side of Southern charm and international zest. As we relish in her culinary passions, from the tantalizing shawarma of Bahrain to the comforting staples of Southern cooking, we explore how these flavors have become the undercurrent of her life's journey. Through her accolades as Junior Sailor of the quarter and her continued dedication to the Department of Homeland Security, Ashley's impact on the world is palpable. Join us as we celebrate her achievements and reflect on the legacy we each hope to leave, stitched together by a shared love for food, a testament to our humanity, and a reminder that service and success can be a recipe for an unforgettable life story.
Welcome to the Darrell McClain show. I'm your host, Darrell McClain. Today we are excited to have another guest that I've meant to have a long time ago. It's actually a military veteran who still works for the Department of Homeland Security, my best friend, Ashley. Welcome to the show, Ashley.
Speaker 2:Thank you very much, Darrell. I'm glad to be here.
Speaker 1:So, first off, where are you from and what made you want to join the United States military? And that crack you heard was my libations.
Speaker 2:Well, from Mississippi, jackson, mississippi. What really made me want to join is the love of my country and my father, who said he was not going to pay for college, basically because I was a lesbian. So I then said I will make my own living and I joined the military. It was a double, double encumber.
Speaker 1:So why was the military an option for you in Mississippi? Was that the only way you didn't have any prospects of like sports or anything you were involved in that could have got you into college?
Speaker 2:Well, my dad was military. So, even though I'm from Mississippi, I've lived all over, and at the time I was in Japan when I joined the military. My father, being a 21 year veteran, really encouraged me to see our country's heroes and I just wanted to be a part of that.
Speaker 1:That's pretty good. I just got a random question what was it like growing up in Mississippi?
Speaker 2:Mississippi is a very old town. There are still some racist people there so it was better sweet. I love where I'm from. Some of the greatest people I know are there pretending to character. And then you know there was also the hard upbringing of being black and being gay in a southern town.
Speaker 1:So I think that's kind of a truism of everybody that's from the south and is not any type of particular box, whether that is your race, your religion, your sexuality, even sometimes your jobs can lead you in this different path where you have to somewhat sit from different waters. So not just not your dad as well, were there any teachers or anything like that that you can remember offhand that inspired you to become the person that you are today?
Speaker 2:Well, I can say I do remember this one biology teacher. I really love science because it explains things and I like to understand why something is the way it is. She was very helpful. I was basically like the teacher's pet and she really encouraged me to seek beyond my understanding and so that's good, got your biology teacher.
Speaker 1:you know no athletics and other like that.
Speaker 2:I joined the basketball team. I was also part of the band. There were several things I did, being that I moved so much, I got to join different clubs that were also an influence. What was it like?
Speaker 1:being a child of a military person who kind of always had to go from place to place and took you with them.
Speaker 2:It was very sweet. I love seeing new cultures and experiencing different people, different ideals, different customs. But it was also sad because I left behind a lot of friends each place I went. I went to four different high schools and I don't have that childhood best friend like some people have, you know. So the friends that I do have now, you know I hold to a high regard because you know they're my longest term friends.
Speaker 1:When you have the experience of moving place to place to place. If you had to pick, what do you think was the best place that you got to visit and live in, and why do you think that is?
Speaker 2:Oh, japan by far. They're just super smart, super athletic, very in shape, very fit, very personable. They treat you like royalty, even though you're just an equal, just like they are, and it's just a very pleasant place to be. The culture is nice, the food is fantastic. I'm a foodie, so, yeah, it was just awesome.
Speaker 1:If you go to Japan, what food would you suggest to eat and what restaurant did you enjoy the most?
Speaker 2:Coco's Curry House. It's a curry house. They have chicken cutlet, the whole nine, the gravy, the cheese, the rice, just delicious.
Speaker 1:I got a random question, kind of a circle back, as Jay and Saki used to say. So your father said he wasn't going to support you going to college because you're a lesbian. Did he support any straight siblings going to college? No, he did not. Probably just a bullshit thing Just to not have to pay for college. Anyway, that was just something I was wondering. So you got in the Navy. What did you do in the Navy?
Speaker 2:I was a master at arms, basically a Navy military cop.
Speaker 1:Oh, so you were a police officer. Everybody had the drugs. How did you enjoy being a police officer, and what made you choose that arena of master at arms?
Speaker 2:It gave me a lot of purpose. My dad actually recommended that branch for me, that rate for me, and it fit my personality because I really love being the boss. I'm a lead by example kind of person and I use it as a tool to help people get on the right path instead of damning them basically.
Speaker 1:So you used your authority basically to try to point people in the right direction, versus using your authority to get a bunch of write ups and be promoted. You know quicker.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, and it was very fulfilling and I eventually still got promoted, but it was the passion for me.
Speaker 1:Okay, you say you eventually got promoted. Did you get any rewards to have any collateral duties? Why are you doing that job?
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, so I had several collateral duties while I was in. I was the sapper, which is the sexual assault preventative person. I was the armor I basically issued the US Navy's guns. I was a field training officer, which meant I trained all the junior grade personnel with their qualifications patrolmen, sentry, watch, commander, things of that nature and then I won Junior Sailor of the quarter, so that was a great achievement. My father was actually super proud of me.
Speaker 1:And all this for somebody who couldn't go to college. It's very, very fascinating. Did the first one, that sapper, what you call? It was that very necessary? Is there a lot of sexual assaults and stuff like that in the military in the Navy.
Speaker 2:You wouldn't believe how many sexual assaults, but if you think about it, we're just a percentage of the population. So, everything that happens on the outside happens on the inside. Unfortunately, sexual assault is one of those things, but I'm just glad that I could be a part of their healing journey, even though it's very immediate after the damage is done.
Speaker 1:The voice that comes in and tries to show them there's light after this dark event. They light at the end of the tunnel, in the same way that when you were doing the MA duties, you showed that there was redemption after the mistake. So you do have a normal trajectory, as well as your connectivity to your training experience, where you're training people to try to show them how you did it, how they can do it, how you did it. So it's almost as if you have your upbringing, your father, being the example of giving you the job to go into. You have the adversity, somebody telling you flat out we're not going to give you something. You go and then try to make your own way and then, as you go, you heal and you actually provide the example of how to do what you did. Now, that's just my psychoanalysis of the historical perspective of how your life went. Did you think that I provided a good example and if so, what do you have planned? Where do you go from next? What are your next goals?
Speaker 2:Well, yes, I believe you encompass my life in a very detailed, fascinating way. I never thought about actually, but yeah, I would say that was a perfect representation of what I've overcome and the reasons why I did the things I did. Where do I go from here? Well, as you said before, I work for Department of Homeland Security with the Coast Guard and I'm currently a GS7. So I plan to climb the ladder, you know, go to GS9 and 12 and so on, until I reach the top and then retire in the government. And then I want to somewhere along the line. I would like to open a catering company or become a private chef.
Speaker 1:And that's the whole part of you being a foodie.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, from the south, love the food.
Speaker 1:So how long were you in the Navy?
Speaker 2:Eight years.
Speaker 1:The best command that you went to in the Navy and why.
Speaker 2:I would say Bahrain, because it gave me a sense of purpose. I stopped a bomb threat. I inspected vehicles that had bomb material on it. I got to meet the gherka guards, who were really funny, but they also served their country, which is not for the light hearted. I had some of my greatest memories, met some of the greatest people that I still know to this day in that command.
Speaker 1:That's good by rain. If anybody is not familiar, if you look on a map, sometimes under the territory labeled the United Arab Emirates, and if you still can't find that, it's going to be about 45 minutes from Saudi Arabia. I know some people are bad at geography, so I just placed where that is. What Ashley just said, is she served in the Middle East by rain is actually in the Middle East. That leads me to the next question Was it hot? How was the weather in the Middle East? How did you adapt to being across the equator?
Speaker 2:Oh, wow. Well, if you were on day shift, that was hell. I'm just going to keep it 100% honest. We usually did 12-hour shifts and if you were on that shift, you probably changed your shirt at least four times. From sweating roving which is just walking around trying to make sure people are staying out of trouble yeah, it's extremely hot. Then during Ramadan, they can't see you drink or eat, so you are really really hurting out there. So how?
Speaker 1:was it as a woman who identifies as a lesbian, and the United States military and part of the world that they don't want us in? How does Bahrain become your best command in the Muslim country? Coming from the United States of America, I find that fascinating. Well, you know, the United States of America has its own little community, and so I was basically surrounded by military, which is mostly former Americans.
Speaker 2:I didn't have to follow the customs as much as a normal woman in Bahrain. I was just a little bit more of a person who didn't have to follow the customs as much as a normal woman in Bahrain. So I think I got off a little bit scot-free when it came to the prejudice, but the interactions I did have, fortunately, were pleasant enough to where I did not feel discriminated against.
Speaker 1:That's good. I worked in Bahrain as well. It's one of the only things that I felt honorable I actually did in the Middle East was getting to protect the schools and protect the airport. I remember the secret sauce of driving officers who couldn't behave themselves off the island and secrecy at night, you know, in the van and I just be sitting there like don't say anything. This was different from your upbringing, different from Japan, but I guess you were somewhat prepared because of all the traveling you did growing up, all the experiences of different cultures. If you were to go back to Bahrain or somebody were to take a trip there, since you are a foodie, what place would you suggest they go eat? What was your favorite food while you were there?
Speaker 2:Let's see that's so many great places there it's very hard to narrow down one. But I would say there's a place on the main strip that serves shawarma Really popular dish there, Very tasty. I recommend it 100% Shawarma.
Speaker 1:So we go to Bahrain. We got to go to the main strip, whatever that means, and try a shawarma. So the foodie thing, the military had a rate that cooked. Why didn't you pick the cooking field versus the police officer?
Speaker 2:field. Well, as I said, my father recommended my rate and when I asked him about that field, he said they work long days, they are there before anybody else gets there and they stay behind after everybody else leaves. They also have to cook based on people's allergies. As big as the Navy is, you can understand that's a very restricted way of cooking. I'm from the South and we do not generally use measuring cups or teaspoons or things of that nature. We just pour into your heart as content and shake and stir and taste. I couldn't imagine myself cooking that way.
Speaker 1:So you're from the South, you like to cook. Where did you get your cooking spirit from? Who taught you how to cook?
Speaker 2:Well, actually I didn't know. I knew how to cook until I joined the Navy, but you can say I was well taken care of. Sorry, mom. Well, my mom cooked she's a great cook. My grandmother, she's a great cook. My father actually learned how to cook while he was in the Navy. He's a great cook. So I was just surrounded by great cooks and I just sat there and waited for the food to be done. So I watched my mother and father all the steps they took to get the food prepared, because I was so greedy that I was just sitting at the bar salivating until my plate came to my face.
Speaker 1:Now we got some difficult questions. We have to ask what's your mom's best dish?
Speaker 2:Well, that's quite, I would say. My favorite dish was just spaghetti.
Speaker 1:Alright, what's your grandma's best dish? Breakfast, breakfast of all the breakfasts, all the breakfasts Biscuits. What's your father's best dish?
Speaker 2:Grilled fish.
Speaker 1:Who cooks best out of the three? My grandmother, oh, he took a safe answer. All right, and what is your best dish?
Speaker 2:Let's see, I Cook a lot of things. People like my chicken wings. They also like my pastas. I don't know what would you say is my best I don't know, I don't.
Speaker 1:I don't want to put you in a box as a black woman from Mississippi and say, of course she cooks good chicken.
Speaker 2:It's okay.
Speaker 1:So I was happy that you threw in something else, an Italian dish in there, some pasta, but when I think it's all good and I'm also greedy and so, so that's great. Your, your, your Experiences with the different religions, cultures, food, etc. Were you really raised in a in a religious household? A non-religious household, pagan? Was it not brought up? Because of all the traveling, did you guys regularly go to church? How was your spiritual like practice growing up?
Speaker 2:I would say it was. I would say it was kind of in the middle. I didn't go to church as much as Some people the Monday, wednesday, friday, sunday, um, but I did go every Sunday or every other Sunday. Before we had open our Christmas gifts, our father used to access questions related to the Bible and if we got it right then we could start opening gifts. So you better believe I did my history the night before Make sure I received the abundance. Oh, but my dad was also a chaplain's assistant, so he taught us about different cultures of Religion and told us to be very open-minded to all religions.
Speaker 1:So chaplain's assistant, was he a religious program specialist, or was that just something different?
Speaker 2:Uh, he was an RP yeah that's.
Speaker 1:That's a very interesting trajectory. That was my first rate. Wow, yeah, the long conversation that I didn't fit in there. Yes, that's that's good some night, some night, don't know that, I know, didn't know that, I know now. So we, he taught you to have the universalist approach, to Understand Religions and etc. And is that something you still held to?
Speaker 2:Yes, you are home to, I should say yes, I would say that I don't believe any particular religion is wrong. I believe you know it's kind of like politics. You know your parents or Democrats, or you know liberals or Republican or Whatever have you, and generally you adopt the principles that your family has. But you know you, you're always well, I'm very open-minded to all the other. You know Political parties, so therefore I'm very open-minded. So I would say that's the same for me for religion.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, that's nice. Um, it's good to be open-minded. There's a. There's a joke I've actually heard on both sides of the aisle. They was on the left. They used to say you can be open-minded, your brain will fall out. And then on the right they used to say don't be so open-minded that your brain falls out.
Speaker 1:It's like I kind of always laugh it when I hear those little ditties. So you join the Navy, you got out, you work for the Department of Homeland Security. Now, did you ever attain the goal that you joined the Navy for in the beginning? Did you go to school and get your degree?
Speaker 2:Yes, I got my associate's degree. Um, I got it in business management, but I actually Fully got it when I was out. While I was in, I took courses, but you know the Navy is a full-time rate, especially my rate Master at arms. We work a lot so but if you take college courses, you generally advance faster or have the chance to advance faster. So it was Multi-beneficial for me to go to college and work. If what would everything going on?
Speaker 1:in the world today, everything going on in the country by the polarization, everything Would you advise Anybody to to join the United States military and, if not, work direction would you point them into? Absolutely, I would say.
Speaker 2:You take the, the, the cards that life deals you. If you get a scholarship, Obviously go to college, then join the Navy or any any of the branches. But I recommend the Coast Guard Air Force of the Navy, Just because you know you're safer and you get paid the same. I mean it's kind of you know, it's kind of no-brainer for me and you still get to say you serve your country. So that's amazing to me that I can foresee living and still say I serve my country. You know that's, that's a joke. But I Say if you serve any branch then you're one of our heroes regardless. But so you know you're trying to say that even in the United.
Speaker 1:States military. Some people work smarter versus rather than harder. Absolutely, I don't want to start a war between me and my marine buddies, everybody over here. I don't want to start a war between me and my marine buddies and everybody's why I just look at them, the hard work to do, and I'm just like, oh, she's still at work.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, taxicab for the Marines.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so um you, after getting out and Looking around at the world, what was, what was the the hardest transition from being inside of the government, the United States military, to being a free person and Having to decide where happy you're gonna take after that, what was the hardest, hardest step to take?
Speaker 2:I think transitioning was the hardest step. The Navy becomes a big part of who you are and when you get out, or the military in general, when you get out, you lose a sense of identity and there's an identity battle that happens there and I believe that's the hardest part, because you have to figure out who you are again.
Speaker 1:And in a small way. I suppose that because you grew up in the military family and you're always traveling, even if your father wasn't aware of it, he was somewhat preparing you for that already this constant meeting people and then the ripping away and separation of them. The only part that he could not prepare you for was the transition out. I mean, the transition is easy. It's three months of people standing around yelling at you.
Speaker 1:And so as much as you don't like it. That is called training. It's basic training. But when you go to leave you get a little bit of taps. They tell you it sucks on the outside. They try to convince you to stay in and then it's, you know, not there to be somebody.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:After you've been told when did you wake up and when to go to sleep. So the transition was difficult. When did you start to get your stride? And the other question to two part question was there anybody you looked up to that? You were like, if I wanna be something, I wanna be like that person, you know.
Speaker 2:Well, I got my stride. I got my stride. The first job I took after I got out of the military after school was an admin assistant. It paid $13 an hour. Now you can imagine going from an E5 salary to $13 an hour Just absolutely insane. But that was the going rate for a person that you know served the country and everything like that. But I got into a program called VocRehab and they helped veterans get good jobs and I then got a job which was one of my dream jobs at the Department of Veteran Affairs Hospital and one of the best quotes I heard in that place was you can see freedom, the price of freedom, in these hallways. And it was such a powerful quote because you know, working there every day you see people with no limbs, people that are just mentally going through it, and you can see it on the outside just the PTSD, the TBI's, just the behavior of all the things that you know people obtain trying to serve their country and, you know, trying to protect America. So, anyways, I would say that that's where my career began to take off.
Speaker 2:I then was a. I got in as a supervisor of supply. I worked there for it in a year, but I have fibromyalgia, so it was a very physical job because it was a working supervisor. So I got a reasonable accommodation to become a secretary and I never seen myself in the admin world because you know I was a police officer. I was big, bad and you know in charge and you know we used to make jokes about the admin personnel and we used to say all they did was play pencil break all day long and you know sword fights with pins and things of that nature. So I found myself in a whole new line of work that I didn't necessarily initially have pride for, but now I see that it's a very mentally taxing environment and I have a lot more respect for it. Then I just I started applying for jobs and I got picked up by the department of Homeland Security, coast Guard, and now I'm an admin assistant GS7, and I am working my way up the ladder and I am proud of it.
Speaker 1:Well, that's good, that's great. So we got a lot there. And the working the way up, what would be? Because you have a passion not just for, I would say, labor and service, you also have a passion to serve people one day through food. What do you see? The transition from government services to personal food, culinary services?
Speaker 2:Well, I can say it's pretty much the same purpose to make people happy and feel comfortable and protected, because my food isn't poison and so I just love serving people and I think it brings people together and there's nothing like family, even if you're not related to a person, and I think the way to expand your family is through food.
Speaker 1:Through food. Look, I somewhat say the best way. I have a thing because I'm a talking head. I always say the best way to expand is through conversation, conversation and libations. But I'm also I'm not a great cook, I'm a survivalist cook. So I got this question that I always ask people to at the end of my interviews. Now you were stranded on a desert island. You get to take three things with you, and the prerequisite is always you already will have life, you'll have health, you'll have strength. So the three things you get to take on the desert island with you are people, are resources. What are your three things?
Speaker 2:I would take my wife, I would take my best friend and I'll take my, my brain.
Speaker 1:So you're trapping two people on the, so you're gonna go to the island and you're gonna make one person the third wheel, but it's a good. Some good resources, your, your, your, your everyday practice. My last question what it keeps you going in the morning, what motivates you and what would you like us all to hear as you exit out Um of the interview, not of life.
Speaker 2:I would say what motivates me is what initially motivates me my father. He's one of my role models. He motivates me. I have a son, he's two. He motivates me to be the best person I can be and be as Success, successful as I possibly could become. And then just personal pride. You know, family friends. Yeah, I would say that's what generally motivates me to do what I do.
Speaker 1:So we have gone years and years and years into the future this is my last question, by the way, and you have now died at the ripe old age of 102. What do you want to be your legacy? What do you want people to say about you? She made a difference. She made a difference. All right, guys, that's what you get. Thank you for tuning in. You have been speaking to Ashley, not gonna tell you the last thing, figured out on your own military veteran, a bastard arms military Legacy child, because her father was in the military, and current government employee of the Department of Homeland Security, talking about life, living, legacy and, of course, food. We will see you on the next episode. You.